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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their bond?